ON METAPHYSICS: Deja Fu - The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.

ON WORLD POLITICS: Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.

ON DATING: When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.

ON YOUTH: Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk. - Stephen King

ON PROBLEM SOLVING: When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail. - Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM: He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES: Photons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic!

ON ECONOMICS: Cost of living hasn't affect its popularity.

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE: Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.

ON HUMILITY: To err is human, to moo bovine.

ON PROPHECY: The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.

ON WORK: I learned that doing mindless, repetitive work gives the mind a chance to wander. The Trappist monks and Carmelite nuns have been doing it for hundreds of years, foreswearing material things in favor of soul-cleansing menial labor. Unfortunately, it seems to have the opposite effect on postal workers. -- Jim Mullen