Momentum Investing:
The fine art of buying
high and selling low.
Value Investing:
The art of buying low and selling
lower.
Broker:
Poorer than you were last year.
P/E ratio:
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the stock market
keeps crashing.
"Buy, Buy":
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the
plane.
Standard & Poor:
Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst:
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market:
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for
a financial genius.
Bear Market:
A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband
gets no sex.
Stock Split:
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between
themselves.
Financial Planner:
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for
toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction:
The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow:
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option:
Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before
e-mail.
Day Trader:
Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.