Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers ...

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
  
  
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
  
  
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
  
  
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  
  
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  
  
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  
  
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
  
  
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
  
  
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
  
  
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
  
  
• Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
  
  
• For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
  
  
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
  
  
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  
  
• For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
  
  
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
  
  
• Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
  
  
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  
  
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  
  
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.