• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
  
  
• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
  
  
• Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get!
  
  
• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  
  
• One of life's enduring mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
  
  
• Everytime I think about exercise, I lie down until the thought goes away.
  
  
• God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
  
  
• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  
  
• I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
  

• There cannot be any crisis this week; my schedule is already full!
  
  
• Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes ages comes alone.
  
  
• Just when I was getting used ot yesterday, along came today.
  
  
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness ...
  
  
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
  
  :-)